Lost In A Depressive Haze
Health February 26, 2019 growthguided 0
Often I find myself drowning in ugly thoughts pertaining to life and death. Why are we alive? What is the bigger picture? Why do we continually tax ourselves with the struggles of mundane life as we head for an eminent death? Do we strive for material possessions totally in vain, or is there something gained in the striving for more? If we do actually make it to a place called heaven, what was the point of being here to begin with?
When you are a child the thoughts of becoming an adult seem so distant, but eventually your 30’s arrive out of nowhere, and life starts passing by you exponentially quicker. The pressures to make huge decisions plans of where to plants roots, what to do for a career, and who to share your life with – pressure can overwhelm the best of us.
The amount of people that will actually leave an indelible mark on the world is but a fraction of a percent. Most of us will unconsciously float throw our days, earning wages from an establishment we wish we didn’t work for, settle for a partner and call it love, and then chain yourself to that mortgage for the house in suburbia or condo in the city. You repeatedly perform the same activities day in and day out for years, if not decades.
And what for?
It’s hard not to think from time to time that this is all part of some sort of greater flawed design that God is continually attempting to work the kinks out along the way. He “blesses” us with these technological advances to help distract us from seeing just how fragile and unpleasant life really.
We love the gratifying feeling of completing projects and tasks, but when a path isn’t outlined clearly for us motate through from the get-go, and there seems to be no finish-line in sight besides demise, it’s no wonder we see so many are found the waving a white flag of defeat and demoralization.
As far as I can see it, contracting the disease of humanity is a condition that will require a certain level of anesthesia to endure the experience. Remember, we are on a noreturn, one way flight that may or may not lands us in an afterglow. This type of contemplative bleakness is something I’d advise most to regularly avoid, but it shouldn’t be entirely avoided.
If I actually had the choice in the matter on whether or not I should be birthed here on this spiralling rock of suffering, I’m not entirely sure I would have gone through with the decision. Christ himself only had to endure three years of suffering to prior to attaining glory, and an unmatched next of kin relationship with God that many of us drool at. The peace of mind Jesus must have had to walk through all his emotional and physical trauma would have been a lot less severe knowing that the father had already outlined him as a beloved son. But what about us common folk who strive to be experience that type of relationship with God on the daily? How are we to have our spirits settled? Is Faith and prayer the only lifelines we are given to hopefully leads us to experience peace that surpasses all understanding? My burdens may not lead me to be lashed at the stake, but my tender heart is often felt bleeding with excruciating agony.
To play the ultimate contrarian let’s walk through the responsibilities we regularly outline to a father figure. If a father was physically separated from a beloved child from birth, and then proceeded not to invest any face to face time with his child, that would most certainly as wrong and failing to the child and the role as a loving father. While this comes across as blasphemous text to even lightly skim through, you can’t help but acknowledge the fact that you too have held these thoughts at one time or another.
The great unanswered question still remains. Let’s ask ourselves once again – what is the purpose of life? And, are we supposed to be able to endure life with faith that we may be greeted by a potential heaven after our final breath is drawn?
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
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