All I know is, I want to be happy, all the time. The craziest part of this whole ideal is that if someone said “okay, tell me what will make you happy, and I will do it for you?” I don’t know if I could give you an answer to this often ruminated upon question. Some days it is a new love, the next it is stillness of mind, and a week later it might be a new Range Rover. We humans are fickle creatures.
Even still knowing twist in processing of my mind, I still often catch myself in this insane fruitless train of thought. If God and the people of this world really did love and care for me, shouldn’t they be intuitively aware of how to fulfill this constant longing of mine? Just make me happy, that’s all I’m asking of you.
This isn’t a grand task. You’ve done it before, so won’t you just make me happy again?
Call me daft, and surely I’d have to agree with you on this claim, I’m still depending on you to make me happy. This insatiable yearning to feel ‘normal’ and ‘happy’ seems to scan through my psyche constantly. If I shift even slightly from this pleasant state, chaos ensues. It may not look like tears immediately, but be sure that a subtle unreasonable irritability starts to boil within as I focus more and more on my unhappiness.
If I was touched with that brief moment of awakening to my exact list of demands that would bring back to being happy, I doubt I might actually reveal to you the remedy, for this would place a burden of responsibility on me to shift from my misery. A responsibility for changing internal workings, and open myself again to the joy and wonder that the world offers me.
“Accountability is a problem that I like to avoid.” – Andy C