Sunday Sabbath

How do you express thoughts in a clear manner that have yet to arise as words but reside as tension on your heart and mind? Mine sway back and forth in my consciousness with no cohesion or direction. I sit and stew in self-pity due with an inability to create a worthy notion that might just brighten your day, and yet, the critique of my stagnancy only pushes me further away from creation. How will I ever become this powerful communicator that I have visualized for so many years? I gasp for a breath of  inspiration, but am left empty only to hyperventilate on ideas of shame, hiding any actionable dreams only deeper inside.

The curse of writer’s block returns with a vengeance and I feel locked in a dungeon of isolation with no traction for words.  Having visited this fair lady many times before I know that the only way to detach myself from her ruthless grip is to do the one thing that we all shy away from, and that is to express myself even more. The insecurities that arise are vast, but avoid them only deflates the child like balloon I love to carry around with me. I chose to no longer allow the curtains of my mind to drape so heavily across my creative window. The fear of judgement weighs heavily on my heart, but the audience must be captivated once more. The timid boy bows his head in fear and slowly makes his way to the podium to give what only feels like his first and only speech. Will the crowd spit out his work with a scornful distaste, or will they applaud with ferocity? Nether point matters because the only way to better his practice is through perspective and feedback that few want to provide accurately to themselves.

I can’t subdue that yearning to be great, to create a story, a word, or exciting phrase that might uplift you to a better vantage point in your day. But, today I can’t, so  my offering to share with you is an elaboration of shortcomings that we all face. A confession of weaknesses that can arise in all of us and crush our spirits, or even worse, fight with the overpowering urge we have to ignore its power. As I confront these mental blocks, their strong hold dissipates and I then left with a sense of relief.

Taking the leap and exposing these abstract mumbled thoughts has only helped to reconcile focus and creativity that was previously stunted by writer’s block. With each successive letter hitting the screen my sense of discomfort begins to chip away, and those constrictive feelings of inadequacy relinquish their power over me. Just like the talented mentors who have come before me, I too have regained my balance by persisting through and not around these encounters with internal conflict. Once again the screaming kettle has been taken off the hot stove and that ember that once burned in my eye ignites.

Whether you read this with an apprehensive eye or an eagerness to relate, it hardly matters because the message has already been shared, and the problem halved. This peace of mind can be rewarded to you too, if you would only chose to stand up and unload your heart. You are worth it!