I grew up with an individual who’s ability to spew cancerous banter was unparalleled. To the young mind it was an assurance of self that I could never seem to uncover within. I never recognized the well crafted arrogance, a demeanour of grandeur, and incessant tongue that was usually based in slander. But what I did see was a confidence that I wish I could have lived with. My immature mind was caught up in a mental battle for social supremacy. The bully mentality worked so well, and due to my lack of insight at this time I viewed his detrimental behaviour as being “cool”.
For years after I graduated I would reminisce in disgust that I invested so much of myself into this narcissist. If I only had the sense of self that I do today, I would have been able to summon the courage to pull the plug on that cruel relationship. If I was to be brutally honest with myself I would have to admit the part of me craved a dose of bitterness from time to time. I too had a yearning to charge myself with this anger that masqueraded as confidence control. The voluptuous tit of popularity was far too nourishing for me at that time, and satisfying that hunger seemed to the utmost of importance.
I think many of us go through a settling period as we mature and make peace with the foolishness of our adolescence, but how does one steer clear of this type of behaviour in the future? I can almost guarantee that you will cross paths with negative people on your journey, whether it is at the workplace, with family or friends. Negative energy is very infectious and we all fall victim to it’s grip from time to time. We try not to be a part of it and usually counter the negative force with even more negativity, pushing the problem further along. Thankfully you don’t need to be held captive any more! Many of you reading this will now be quick to the draw and claim avoidance to be the remedy, but this my friend would only be a plausible work around, instead of the mutually beneficial solution.
A certain validation will need to take place when you come into contact with these vultures of contentment. A recognition of what is going on, how it makes you feel, how not to engage, and how to work in the solution……every time!
Acknowledge that uncomfortable feeling of resistance within you. Watch how your mind wants to escape into avoidance or aggressively engage. It’s totally natural to be inflamed by these people. These people are experts at what they do, and are well equipped to get a rise out of most people. Not to worry though because we have a new emotional fitness that can now be exercised here.
It is always much more challenging to be kind in these hostile moments than it is to be right. A rehabilitation of your perception of these sick people needs to take place and will in turn, set you free.
 A patient tolerance can help you sit with the negativity without engaging. You push pause button and watch the impulse to escape slowly fade away.
 Since a calm state has now been activated, your perspective on the situation begins to soften. You haven given yourself that space that is needed to view the situation with an optimistic lens and all of a sudden the experience becomes more manageable.
 You attempt to put yourself in their shoes. Compassion will help you recognize the misery that is taking place in their life. Their inability to deal with their anguish is what awakens their destructive tongue.
 Acknowledge exactly what is triggering you during the interaction. What pushed you over the edge? Is there a common theme here that you might need to rectify?
 Recognize that these people thrive off of self-centered living. Even the most tactfully highlighted shortcoming would still go unnoticed.
 Validating their negativity won’t unlock kindness within, it will only persuade them to continue to feed on the lie they have been telling themselves.
 Being of service to this suffering individual is where you ground yourself. Foster thoughts of compassion for everyone involved in the interaction.
 You suspended yourself with just enough time to always choose love.