Having recently gone through a breakup of my own, I can absolutely attest to the mad rollercoaster of emotions and unhealthy attachments that rear their ugly heads following the dreaded day. When you have visualized yourself being so intimately and indefinitely connected with someone one day, and then having that vision stripped from you the next, it can leave you quite paralyzed. The seemingly never-ending flow of fears and insecurities that blanketed my consciousness was bewildering. I knew that the only way out was through, when it came to my suffering. This gentle nudge from the universe telling me it was time, and I need not hide from these ugly parts of myself I any longer.
The silver lining of this emotional hurricane was just that – my blatant insecurities and fears. How easy it was for me to forego the effort and time it takes to properly shape unhealthy self-perceptions while I was resting in the sheltering harbour of love. The subtle foe of stagnancy clearly kept these fears deeply-seated within until the day of reckoning came. I was devastated by the withdrawal from the most powerful drug I have consumed to date, love.
Pain being the unfortunate activator of action and growth in my life, I was set on another mission, to be released from this terrible suffering that I may not even be worthy of. Some days it looked like a tear soaked pillowcase as I cried out for rescue from God, and other days it looked like pleasant release as I expressed my vulnerability with others as they sat in nonjudgemental presence.
Last night I was granted another small victory of healing. I probably would have never arrived at this place by myself, but was encouraged to land here through the help of a famous author, Elizabeth Gilbert, as she provided a helping hand to a love-stricken woman.
If there is a common theme I have uncovered on the path of emotional healing over the years, it’s that I need to be completely openminded on where the lesson might come from, and totally surrendered to its timing.
“…I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate. ”He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.“But I love him.”
“So love him.” “But I miss him.” “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
*Big thanks to my friend Ashley for sharing this powerful message with me (: