How much time do we waste in relationships that really don’t evolve anywhere and as soon as the first relationship is over, we start looking for another. We leave no time to heal, no time to grow, no time to evaluate what a partnership is really all about.
Stop and think about what really motivated you to date your last partner?
Was it love at first sight? Did you think that he or she was this perfect match for you?
What really fired you about this person in the first place, longing for their hand in partnership?
Was it because they were so incredibly good looking, well dressed, well educated, full of humour, and loved animals? The perfect person you could present to the world with great admiration?
Maybe you were influenced by something less hard-wired and more subconscious and emotional!
The Real Reasons People Want To Be In Relationships
[!] Scared to Be Alone
There is nothing worse than that feeling of inadequacy when you single. We have all been nurtured to believe that we are living a partially lived life until we have a partner (this is a lie). The trick is to realize you are never in need of a better half, because you are whole and perfect just the way you are. Sure it would be wonderful to find your soul-mate and live happily ever after, but that is very infrequent because we are driven from the wrong motives when we look for love.
[!] Get validation from the opposite sex
This seems to be a stereotype for many women but I would argue that males operate with this mindset just as often, but it is concealed in boisterous banter in the locker room, validating their Alpha status through notches in the belt. When one relationship comes to an end instantly fears arise of never being able to find another partner kick in and the void then needs to be filled with another partner. The show of it all serves higher ranking than the desire to show love to another human. It is no wonder these relationships never go this distance and leave you feeling empty.
[!] Gain their self esteem from being loved or wanted
Who can honestly say to themselves that it doesn’t feel good to have praise from the opposite sex? Knowing that someone is completely enthralled by your presence would bring pleasant feelings to the best of us, but the longevity of this experience is always short-lived. What happens when this person leaves or loses interest in you? Does your confidence then leave with them?
[!] Scared to die alone
Speaking from a strictly psychological perspective, many reactive fears can be traced directly back to the fear of dying alone. We have been nurtured by society to accept the idea that when we get old we will be incapable of looking after ourselves and will die a miserable lonely death, so we better partner up quick and secure that safety net (this is a lie). Ever had that talk with a friend, “hey, if by the time I’m 40 and haven’t found anyone, do you wanna just get married?”. This really something about how we have been wired to think, doesn’t it? It’s like we aren’t good enough to operate in this world alone. I find this very sad, and a fear that can be easily worked through. We will talk more about this is the next few days, so stay tuned =)
[!] They are bored
Raise your hand if you have sought after a partner because you were just about to finish the last season of Breaking Bad and now need something to do with your Friday nights! You set out on the town in full prowl mode looking for a person to make you smile and take you out on a few dates. Deep inside you know you don’t really care about this girl or guy, but it will prove to your co-workers and friends that you are that good wholesome well-rounded person they think of you as after all (chances are you aren’t). This is called using people, and you need to cease and desist this behaviour NOW!
Just think about that time you were head over heels for someone and they never reciprocated the love (Oh the stings, don’t it!!). You start to question yourself and think maybe that person was better than you after all (also a lie), and they are looking for someone with better _____. A small part of your heart hardens after this experience and you feel the only way to balance the scales and make yourself feel better is grab the next person who shows even the smallest interest in you. The relationship criteria list goes out the window, but it is OK because you have someone to heal your sorrows tonight (an emotional band-aid).
[!] They like a challenge
No matter what city you live in, no matter what language you speak, human competition can really grab hold of us from time to time. There is a part of our ego that says ” I can tame that lion”. A little voice in our head that says I am different than the last girl and guy, they weren’t as special as me. We chase after these people that have proven themselves through countless broken hearts they have left in a messy trail behind them. But there is still something special about you that they haven’t seen yet and you say to yourself, “I am the chosen one” and set forth in the manipulative battle to win the lions heart. If you do for some wild chance win the battle and earn his/her respect, you get rid of it right away because you never really wanted it in the first place. Still empty handed with no love in your life, you sit at your local bar feeling sorry for yourself and then began to plot and scheme over the next kill.
There is one reason that should prevail over all of our hidden insecurities and inferiority complexes that we carry, and that is the notion of giving. More specifically, the idea of loving someone without expectation or reciprocation. Not to impress the friends. Not to prove to the world you are valuable because you got to change your relationship status on Facebook. Not to validate your self worth, but to admire the beauty that this special person holds for you. It is not about you receiving love and validation, it’s about you giving love.