Do we guide our confidence through successful experiences, or is confidence something that is nurtured into our minds from early childhood development?
How is it that two children can be raised in the same community, attend the same school, are raised in identical socio-economic pressures and yet one will be shy and afraid of the world and the other one will walk with abundance and a twinkle in their eyes?
From an outside perspective you would assume that they should both walk in the same confidence, considering all things equal? At what point in time does the disconnect take place? Where does one child’s perceived self-worth become less than their fellow peer? Both children may be raised with the same luxuries and strong health and yet their connection to the world and things around them is so vastly different.
How is the child’s lens on the world held with such different certainty in regards to confidence? Where was this sure footing established?
And, to think that the way out from this low energy field is rooted so close to home is startling. If only a simple shift to our own internal dialogue took place, we would walk with such different posture. “Can this truly be possible?”, you ask!
The jumping off point for confidence is usually build at home. One child was raised in a household that created an internal dialogue that says, “you are always worthy” and the other child was raised in a household that affirmed the message “you are good, but could be better”. The slight difference in wording can have such massive impact in our lives. Most parents aren’t consciously aware of the underlying impact that they are making at the time, but these rigid foundations are nonetheless being poured. Once these messages of self worth and validation in the world are established, the child’s psyche begins reading from this script for the years to follow. Any time a decision needs to take place (big or small), or any reaction to an environment takes place, it will be done with aid of the habitualized internal guide.
Now fast forward a few years and one child seems to be taking to life’s responsibilities with ease and the other sits in a position of failure to launch, who is to blame and what can be done?
You sit down and speak with the now struggling adolescent and feel frustrated, saying to yourself, “if you could only see how incredible you really are.” The child reflects to a vision of his/her successful peers and is filled with depressive thoughts. Looking to an external switch that someone could switch to blast them off to their next level in life, but that switch is rarely ever found.
We then get stuck in debate about what the next right thing to do is. We start to look for groups, doctors, and material adjustments in the child’s life to form a better experience, and this rarely works and you feel stuck. You were taught to react to this unfortunate position in the manner as a child but the solutions found are never on an external level.
It won’t matter what peer group you attempt to place him/her in, what clothes you try to fashion them in, or what you fill their bellies with. The balance to the equation and resolve to the dilemma resides between their ears. It is located in a place where few people ever get to see and experience, and it controls almost all of our decisions. Yes, you guessed it!; it is located in the driving force of self-talk.
Self-talk could be viewed as our most intimate friendship that we will ever encounter in life. It creates the most reward and most destruction in our lives, and yet are we in control of this relationship? How often do we become the things we think about the most? We allow gruesome thinking patterns to lash out on our self worth and there is nobody around to see or hear the brutality that is taking place.
Quickest Way Out?
- Affirmation Work
- Working with a mentor to guide your thinking
- Selective Reading – Start with As A Man Thinketh!
For the most part we get stuck in these drop zones of negativity and look to others for blame, when the real culprit resides within. Remember that no solution revolves around pointing blame but diving head first into a solution. If we dwell on the problem we are usually left with more of that low energy feelings associated with the problem. As soon as we drop the blame game and shift to solutions the light starts to reveals itself at the end of the tunnel.
The bottom line and most important valuation that everyone needs to affirm to themselves is, we are all created equal and no material gain or social tower can establish themselves as better or worse than. The limitations that you are experiencing in life are arising from the internal dialogue you keep preaching to yourself day after day.
You really owe it to yourself to take some time every day to 1) bring awareness to the thoughts you hold, 2) let go of the self critical judgement, 3) know the truth, you are 100% worthy of accomplishing anything you want in this life and are 100% worthy to interact and establish any connection you seek to establish.
What are your thoughts shaping for your future?